Last week, we discussed love as an action word, rather than something you say when you’re walking out the door. The L-word can be thrown around quite often at the beginning of a relationship when two individuals start feeling butterflies. But the true test of love isn’t when you both can’t keep your hands off one another; it’s during the trying times when you don’t even want to look at one another.
Despite what’s going on in your relationship there are clear lines that shouldn’t be crossed and certain things you naturally do for someone when you love them. If your partner finds it hard to part with any of these habits, they may not love you as much as they say they do.
- They are not committed to the relationship. This doesn’t only include cheating. I believe that people who are in love can still find themselves in a cheating situation. But if your partner runs every time the relationship get’s hard, they are not committed to you or your relationship. They habitually shut down, run to a relative/friend, or into the arms of another man/woman; they are not showing you love. Relationships are hard and apart of loving someone is continuously choosing them.
- They don’t incorporate you into their lives. If you have been dating for over six months to a year and he/she refuses to introduce you to friends, this is a red flag in your relationship. If you both are in a relationship bubble and he/she doesn’t include you in family gathering or outings with friends, there is a reason why and it should be addressed. If he/she refuses to talk about things outside of your relationship or marriage, this is also another red flag that shouldn’t be ignored.
- Your partner is not vulnerable with you. If they refuse to share their personal life, or feelings with you, this could mean that your partner doesn’t trust you with their emotions. There’s a reason they’re holding back from you, whether they are uncomfortable or feel the need to hide certain things. There is a certain level of vulnerability in love, but it can be more beautiful and thrilling than scary. Opening up to someone is choosing to trust them. And without trust, you don’t have love.
- You’re not included in their plans. Building a future is a given when you’re in a loving, romantic relationship. We’re not really talking about early dating stages or people who come to an understanding that, ‘they aren’t looking for anything serious.” This is about couples that decide or at least verbalize that they are serious about one another. A partner who is serious about you is going to want to build a future with you and have that conversation. This means when they talk about the future, you are included in those plans and discussing major decisions as a couple. If this is not happening and you often feel left out of those plans, unfortunately, your partner may not see a future with you. This could indicate that he/she doesn’t love you the way they say they do.
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If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.