Developing Secure Attachments

Last week, we focused on identifying the different attachment styles. Let’s shift our focus today on developing secure attachments in relationships. This will help to build strong, healthier connections.


Insecure attachment is a fear-based relationship style- the deep, even unconscious fear of abandonment or unmet needs. An insecure attachment style can come from inconsistent or unreliable parenting (the child’s needs were only met sometimes) and unavailable, or abusive parents. As a result, the child develops an unhealthy attachment style as an adult (such as having mistrust, abandonment issues, clinginess, insecurities, and not forming close bonds).


Check out these strategies and tools that can help you develop healthy attachments and maintain strong, lasting, and healthy bonds.

Learn More About Your Attachment Style – Once you’ve identified your attachment style, start learning more about it. This will help get a better grip on anxiety.


Set Boundaries– It’s important to set and enforce boundaries and respect the boundaries that your loved ones have set. Knowing that your wishes are respected can deepen and maintain strong connections.


Learn Your Triggers– Know what pushes your buttons so that you can clearly express them to your loved ones. Set up a strategy to redirect the intense feelings.

Time-outs– If it’s normal for you to overreact during triggering conversations, distance yourself from the situation for sometime. When you’re emotionally flooded, it’s challenging to clearly express yourself and it’s likely that the person listening will misinterpret what you’re attempting to communicate. Express to them that you’re feeling overwhelmed and you need a break. Take some time to cool down, think about how you feel, and revisit the situation with a clear mind.


Therapy– Therapy can help you learn how to effectively communicate and set healthy relationship goals.


Stop Trying to Mind Read– Don’t assume you know what someone is thinking. Instead, simply ask. Trying to mind read can lead you to jump to conclusions and worst-case scenarios. This can cause you to make mistakes and hurt people. For example, by prematurely breaking up with your partner after a fight because you assume that they’re going to call it off.


Changing your attachment style may not easy, but it’s possible.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

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