When you are in love, the passion is so strong that you never foresee falling out of love. Sometimes, we believe that our strong, passionate love is too powerful to ever be shaken. This is why falling out of love or no longer feeling a “spark” can feel so frustrating and confusing.
Some assume that falling out of love means that it’s time to end the relationship. However, in relationships (especially relationships in trouble), falling out of love is very common. It’s critical to remember that at the beginning of your relationship, there were certain actions, made by both you and your partner, that caused you to fall in love. The same is true for falling back in love. The only difference is that now, you must be more deliberate and intentional. You must work to keep your love alive.
Below are a few ways to begin reconnecting with your partner to help you feel your initial spark.
As imperfect beings, making mistakes and hurting feelings are inevitable. Therefore we all, at some point, need forgiveness. Forgiveness is critical to any relationship. Moving forward in a relationship is impossible without first forgiving your partner. Holding onto unforgivingness, while simultaneously having a desire to work on your relationship is counterproductive and if held onto long enough, unforgivingness can become bitterness, frustration, resentment. Healthy love cannot thrive in the same environment as these feelings. Never seek out revenge or retribution. If your goal is to work it out, trying to get back at your partner will only extend the pain and stifle hope for progress in your relationship. Seeking revenge won’t change what happened and it’s very unlikely to change how you feel. Forgiving isn’t always easy. Whenever thoughts of the pain or betrayal come to mind, don’t dwell on them. Go to a calm, peaceful place in your mind and do something to distract yourself.
As often as you interact with your partner, try your best to be kind. You may notice eventually that your partner will begin to mimic your behavior as well. That’s because being kind can positively affect the mood of those around us. It’s hard to be hostile and angry when someone is being nice and soft towards you. Showing kindness towards your partner might not immediately result in them doing exactly what you want, but being soft and kind to one another are the beginning stages of opening yourselves up to be more receptive to one another’s thoughts and feelings.
Common and personal interests can change over the course of a relationship. It’s normal and completely okay. Couples aren’t required to have all of the same interests in order to achieve a successful relationship. It’s even okay for couples to pursue their own personal interests/hobbies. What isn’t okay is when one partner begins feeling disconnected, with little to nothing in common, or even bored in the relationship. Such feelings can strain a relationship and make one question whether the two of you are even compatible. Before you give that any further thought, remember that life, as well as people, are ever-changing… and so can your hobbies/common interests. Try new experiences and hobbies with your partner. If the first few tries aren’t a good fit for you both, don’t get discouraged and don’t hesitate to keep trying. Consider this opportunity and adventure and quality time. Newfound interests will give you and your partner a lot to talk about.
We all want to feel appreciated. Showing appreciation is essential to nurturing a healthy relationship. There are so many ways to show that you appreciate your partner. 1-You could occasionally leave cute sticky notes around your home, telling your partner why you appreciate them. 2- Randomly buy thoughtful gifts. 3-Write a heartfelt letter, expressing to your partner how much they mean to you. 4- Take your partner out on dates. 5-Give them a break by offering to take on the household chores sometimes. 6-Book a relaxing couple’s spa. 7-Praise your partner in front of your friends and family. 8-You can even show appreciation by simply saying “Thank You” more.
Showing appreciation does not mean your relationship is perfect. Showing appreciation serves as a reminder of all the beautiful things about your partner. It can help to shift your focus from the negatives to the positives. Showing appreciation & praise can also motivate your partner to do more of what you’re appreciative of.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.