Yes, even in marriage.
Let’s cut to the chase. If you find your partner masturbating, what would you do?
A. Storm away in anger?
B. Walk away worried that you’re not desirable?
C. Quietly back out hoping they didn’t notice you?
D. Ditch your clothes and join?
If you answered “A” or “B,” you’re not alone, but you could use a shift in perspective. Here’s the truth: masturbation isn’t reserved for singles who are desperate for an orgasm and it certainly doesn’t have to always be a last resort when it’s ‘been a while.’ Masturbation is a sexual act that anyone can enjoy, whether you’re in a relationship or not.
Sit back, relax and take pleasure in knowing that your partner occasionally giving him/herself a hand isn’t a reflection on you. Here are 5 reasons your reaction should be closer to C. or D.
It isn’t Cheating
There’s no other person. Everyone has different interpretations and levels of cheating, but masturbation doesn’t count. Kissing someone else, having sex with someone else, even getting emotionally involved with someone else can be considered cheating. But in this case, another individual has not violated the intimacy in your relationship, so you can rest assured that your partner’s loyalty still lies with you.
Masturbation is a form of self-love because it’s healthy and it makes them feel good—okay, incredible.
It’s Not You, It’s Them
You might initially feel that your partner’s attraction to you is fading or you’re doing something wrong in the bedroom but it’s most likely about them. Masturbation is a form of self-love because it’s healthy and it makes them feel good—okay, incredible. For the health of your relationship, you should openly communicate about masturbation with your partner. Put each other’s mind at ease by affirming that you both are sexually pleased by one another and if there’s room for improvement, it’s important to respectfully verbalize this as well.
It Shows Their Sex Drive is Healthy
Masturbation is an indication that your significant other’s sexual organs are working the way they should be. They have an urge and they want to satisfy it. Most of the time, this will involve you, but on occasion, they may just want to take a quick solo trip.
It Means They Know That They ‘Like it Like THAT’
Think of it as research…for YOU. They know what excites them, which means increased pleasure when you’re both having sex. And you know what that means, right? Amazing sex—a win-win!
It Can Help With Mismatched Libido
This isn’t uncommon. The love of your life’s sex drive can be higher than yours and vice-versa, but you can still enjoy a happy relationship regardless. Masturbation can help in times when your partner’s libido is in overdrive so you don’t have to feel guilty if you’re just not in the mood.
Like most things in life, I say masturbation in moderation. If you’re single, go to town every day if you’d like, but if you have a partner, masturbation should be complementary to sex with your partner. Don’t allow it to steal the show in your relationship—this could indicate a problem. If you find that masturbation has substituted for sex with your partner, I’d recommend speaking to a couple’s therapist who can help you both identify the issues and build your connection again.
Now, while I’m all for masturbating while you’re in a committed relationship, I say porn is a no-no and I have a really good reason.
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If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.