So you’re not having sex, huh? Whether it is impacting you individually or not, I can assure you that there’s a major chance that your relationship is taking a toll. This is not an unusual issue that occurs, especially with married couples. But it’s not the wedding, vows, or commitment that the two individuals have made to one another that turns down the heat in the relationship. This is the misconception that many people have that prevents them from committing or makes them want to wave the “DON’T DO IT” sign at the wedding ceremony.
Marriage does not ruin your sex life, circumstances do. It just so happens that some of these circumstances occur as a result of marriage. Let’s take a closer look at some of the reasons you may be missing.
Carrying and delivering a baby can take a toll on a woman’s body—some more than others. Labor complications, a decrease in confidence or postpartum depression can all contribute to a woman feeling less sexual than usual, or not sexual at all. Taking care of a newborn also means sleepless nights; it’s only natural that sleep trumps sex. Don’t get me wrong; women aren’t the only ones who experience a decrease in libido. In many cases, dad will return to work sooner than mom. So juggling his job responsibilities by day, and baby responsibilities at night can take a toll on his sex drive as well.
I know you’d hope that it gets better as they get older, (and it will), but you may experience new challenges. Young children like to co-sleep with their parents, and sometimes when one or both parents give in, it can impede on your sex time. Let’s not forget the amount of time it takes to raise a child. It’s easy for soccer practice, carpool drop-offs, and family game night to invade the time you used to allocate towards your sex life. But this doesn’t mean you should allow it to. It won’t always be easy, but taking that time to maintain your connection will benefit your relationship, which will also benefit your family dynamic.
The Stress of Busy Schedules
It’s one thing to be too busy to have sex, but when you or your partner feels burned out and mentally drained, your sex life can really suffer. If you both still have the desire to initiate intimacy but feel that there’s no time, there are simple remedies for this. Commit to taking a break from work and children and fit in more quickie sessions.
A Loss in Connection or Attraction
This is a major problem in relationships that often goes unaddressed. But how do you tell your partner that your attraction to them has decreased? The way this situation is handled in a relationship can make or break the future of your relationship. Before having the conversation, figure out why you’re having these feelings about your partner or the relationship. Many times the loss of connection and attraction go hand-in-hand. Then at a time that is appropriate for you both to have an in-depth discussion, bring it up in a calm and non-accusatory tone. Once you both have that initial conversation and decide you want to rebuild your relationship, I’d suggest seeing a therapist to help you communicate more effectively and work through the problems you have both been experiencing. This can help you both improve your communication skills and open your eyes to understand what your partner feels and how to be better for one another.
Sure there are many reasons why your sex life can fizzle out, but the good news is there are ways to get it sizzling again. Take a look at your options.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.