How to Start Having Sex Again in Your Relationship When Intimacy Fizzles Out

Sometimes sex just fizzles out. It’s a harsh reality that tends to turn people away from real commitment, especially when it comes to marriage. But here’s the truth—marriage doesn’t kill your sex life, circumstances do. Stress, trauma, kids, health, hormones, distrust, unfaithfulness: these are the actual culprits that enter a relationship and dissolve the intimacy. The good news is if you want to make your relationship work and you’re both still in love with one another, it can work. You can absolutely turn the heat back up and feel that desire for one another again.

Talk it out

This is always where you want to start. Open and honest communication can help you both reveal the source of your disconnect. You can start to understand one another, and certain behaviors that puzzled you now have meaning. And if you’re finding that things aren’t becoming clear and you’re having trouble communicating effectively, I would recommend seeing a therapist who can help guide your conversations. This can help you both make the progress you need to uncover the reasons why you’re not having sex, so you can take the necessary actions to get back on track.  

There’s a good chance that the more you both feel loved, the more you’ll want to make love.

Speak one another’s love language

Make a commitment to speak your partner’s love language and vice versa. There’s a good chance that the more you both feel loved, the more you’ll want to make love. This is a two-way street though, so it won’t work if one person makes changes while the other just reaps the benefits. Make sure you both have a clear understanding of what each of your love languages, are and talk about the things you’d like to see and hear from your partner. Keeping that open line of communication reduces confusion and increases the happiness in your relationship.

Avoid binge drinking

While a cocktail or two has been known to loosen people up in the bedroom, it can also be counterproductive. Alcohol is a depressant and can decrease your libido in the long run. So, while you may be feeling good during that fourth drink, you may also start to wind down a few hours later and lose that excitement. Over time your sex drive can plummet drastically if you abuse alcohol. A couple of drinks are okay, but moderation should always be practiced.

Life can ramp up and steal the focus from your relationship, which can affect your sex life.

Sext—but keep it PG13

Sometimes life gets in the way, and couples or one individual forget about intimacy. It’s more common than you’d think, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. They have kids, their job is demanding, they’re taking care of family members, or they’re stressing about finances. Life can ramp up and steal the focus from your relationship, which can affect your sex life. So here’s what you do. The moment you realize that intimacy is being neglected in your relationship, take a stance. I recommend sexting because it helps to build up the emotion and give you both something to anticipate. Just try to remain suggestive and subtle throughout your messages. And I have two reasons for this:

  1. Leave your partner wanting more and allow their imagination to run with your subtle messages.
  2. Safeguard yourself from embarrassment in case someone catches a glimpse of your phone.

Half an hour on the elliptical and a few crunches can work wonders for your sex drive. Exercise gets the blood flowing through your sexual organs which helps them do their best work to get you in the mood. Exercise is also a great confidence booster; you’d be surprised what feeling comfortable in your skin can do for your libido. When you feel good, you really start to feel good. Your mood, energy, and endurance can all impact your sex drive in the best ways. 

Just Relax

Get away from the stress. That negative energy can really put a damper on your sex life. If you or your partner have been feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities or problems, it’s important for you both to take time to unwind. Practice self-care for your individual selves, as well as for the benefit of your relationship. Take a bubble bath, go on a staycation or a vacation, get a massage, or go on a date night. There are many affordable things you both can do to take the edge off and rejuvenate your mind through tranquility.

Speaking of relaxing with your partner, I have a few tranquil ideas for Valentine’s Day. Take a look at these last minute ideas in case you’ve been feeling uninspired this year.

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